I'm so awkward, they named a creature of the sea after me. #awktopus

Kelsey | 22 | TX | Former Barista

Lover of life | Mother of kittens


Yesterday’s game, today’s problem


Yesterday’s game, today’s problem

Anonymous asked:

omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???



This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material

it’s like rock paper scissors: baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby


I havent had a well made espresso drink since I left the company. 

If you’re in the DFW area and know what you’re doing, hit me up with when and where you work. I need a fix. 

Man I wish I hadn’t just left or else I’d totally make you an awesome drink.




That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?

25796323689432 feet you say?


this is literally my favorite post on tumblr

(Source: andrewbelami)

What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? THIS GUY!

(Source: rainnwillson)

nannersammich asked:

Today a guy came in and ordered a venti nonfat mocha. This guy comes in probably once a week and I recognized his face but I have a lot of customers, so I didn't remember his name for the cup. He rolled his eyes and said it (this isn't his real name): "DAY. VID. Maybe eventually you'll remember it. " I covered up my name tag and said "okay, what's MY name?" He was silent for a second then said "uh...well now I feel like a jackass." That's right motherfucker, the world doesn't revolve around you.


the bible said Adam and Eve not Ted and Robin